ONE HALF OF TWO (The Cockpit)***

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.thecockpit.org.uk/show/one_half_of_two 

Available until: 8^th May

Age recommendation: 12+

One Half of Two is about three young women whose boyfriends have all turned out to be complete and utter FAECES. I might not know how it feels to be a woman, but I do know about horrible boyfriends. Even my husband has been known to be… mildly irritating on occasion. And don’t even get me started on how annoying my husband’s husband can be (just to be clear, that is me, there is no bigamist ménage à trois, except in my imagination sometimes. But let’s not go into that).

THE JAR (The New Theatre Dublin/Scenesaver)***

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.scenesaver.co.uk/production/the-jar 

Available until:

Content warning: Language, 15+

You know, this is such a good idea? It almost makes me want my husband to cheat on me so I can do it to him. I really don’t think he’d like it. But he hasn’t done anything to deserve it yet. He did get a bit moody about where I left my hairspray (how was I meant to know he was going to trip over it? I mean, it was right in the middle of the floor, it could hardly have been more visible), but this method of revenge needs a much more serious crime.

MURDER (Future Voices/Southwark Playhouse)

 

 By Aashiq

Link: https://www.southwarkplayhouse.co.uk/future-voices

Available until: Unknown

I do like a bit of murder. Not personally, no-one’s actually murdered me yet, though I think a few people have thought about it. Not in a bad way. Just an ‘Aashiq is so annoying’ way. But on a psychological level, the subject is really fascinating. There are so many different types of murder and reasons for murder and so many different ways of telling the stories.

BABYLON (Future Voices/Southwark Playhouse)

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hENM4sMGZbU 

Available until: Unknown

Just a reminder that Future Voices is a series of plays written by young people. I don't give star ratings because I don't want to compare them with the other Future Voices plays. But the standard of writing is very high and if I did give stars, they would compare very favourably to plays by professional writers.

Babylon is set in a strange world. Rules are different. Names are different. There are two characters. One of them seems to have some understanding of what’s going on. The other has questions and wants to understand more about the world she lives in.

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE (PALACE THEATRE/STREAM THEATRE)*****

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.stream.theatre/season/16

Available until: Shows at 7.30 every night from 1^st March-3^rd April. Matinées at 2.30pm on 31^st March and 3^rd April and two further performances on Sunday 4^th and Monday 5^th April at 5pm.

This is an old review, but this gorgeous, funny, touching, romantic and out of this world production is streaming again so if you missed it last time, watch it now. If you did see it last time, watch it again. It gets better every time you watch it. (You see. I can be concise. When I want to.)

I absolutely adore this production with all my heart! I think I can honestly say with my hand on my aforementioned heart that I have officially fallen in love with a woman. So, listen, Mabel darling, as Frederic is technically still underage… it’s okay, don’t panic. I’m already married to a mostly wonderful man and after all, The Pirates of Penzance is only a story.

PRIMA DONNA (Royal Swedish Opera/Kungliga Operan/OperaVision)****

  

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1NdOy1-1uw&t=2s 

Available until: 5^th May 2021

I went to the London premiere of Prima Donna! I dressed up and we walked down the red carpet and I looked SO much better than Rufus Wainwright, though you can’t say his outfit wasn’t eye-catching. Janis Kelly and Jonathan Summers were in it and they were both brilliant. I had a massive crush on Jonathan even though he was probably in his 60s, I'm not saying I had wedding dreams or anything like that, but his performances are just so on point emotionally and never overdone, he always makes me care about his characters. 

THE YOU PLAY (Written on the Waves/Forty-Five North)****

  

By Aashiq 

 

Link: https://soundcloud.com/user-538797665/the-you-play 

 

Text version: https://www.forty-fivenorth.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/The_You_Play_small_acts.pdf

Available until: Unknown 

 

Content warning: If you have mental health problems, it’s possible that some of the things they ask you to do might trigger you. I wasn’t too happy about being told something was my fault and when I was asked to think of slicing something with a knife, I thought about self-harming. I didn’t do it, but you might want to be a bit careful.

 

The You Play is a play all about me. You have to listen and do as you’re told (two things I’ve never been very good at) and it tells you what you’re feeling and what’s happened to you and what’s happening to you right now. It’s actually really freaky. A lot of the things weren’t true for me, but I got so into it, I believed them! 

 

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY (Lawrence Batley Theatre/Barn Theatre/New Wolsey Theatre/Oxford Playhouse/Theatr Clwyd)****

 

By Aashiq 

Link: https://www.pictureofdoriangray.com 

Available until: Performances every day until Wednesday 31^st March. Access is for 48 hours.

Yes, I know I’ve already written one review today, but I needed cheering up. It didn’t work or anything, but I want to review it and if anyone tries to stop me, they’ll soon wish they hadn’t. I’m just not worth the stress.

Earlier in lockdown, Barn Theatre, the Lawrence Batley Theatre and New Wolsey Theatre did a play/film together called What a Carve Up!. Luckily, the public saw its brilliance, and its success meant that the theatres decided to team up again for a new project, only this time they let the Oxford Playhouse and Theatr Clwyd in on it. Which makes it a proper international production, but it did confuse me, going to the theatre websites and seeing that every theatre in existence had decided to do Dorian Gray all at the same time. It was like A Christmas Carol all over again, only without the turkey. It was only once they all started showing identical images for their productions that I realised the whole world hadn’t gone Wilde.

RED VELVET (Guildford School of Acting)*****

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://gsauk.org/events/15601ATMPBSJPVHGDQLTKHTGJDDNPRJJP/book 

Available until: There is another performance on Thursday 18^th March at 7.30pm.

These actors are students? Seriously?

That’s my career done then. I can’t compete with this lot but as an audience member I will be in for serious treats in the future. These students are so talented and they perform this brilliant and very important play perfectly. (I’m not saying I’m not jealous, though.)

LEAVE A LIGHT ON CONCERTS (Lambert Jackson Productions/Stream Theatre/Theatre Café)*****

By Aashiq 

Link: https://www.stream.theatre/geners/59/12

Available until: Concerts available most days over six weeks at 5pm, 8pm or both. Only available to watch ‘live’ (though not really live as they’re pre-recorded).

Early in our very first lockdown, which feels like absolute centuries ago, one of the first organisations to start producing work online was Lambert Jackson Productions. They joined up with the West End’s celebrated Theatre Café, who agreed to host Lambert Jackson’s concerts. Lambert Jackson got probably nearly 100 West End stars together (they must have been too shy to ask me) and they each performed a concert in their own home. The concerts were somewhere between 45 minutes and an hour and each performer did up to ten songs, chatting to their fans in between songs, talking about their songs, their lives in lockdown and their careers.

DYKE SHOES (Echo Chamber)*****

 

By Aashiq 

Link: https://kite.link/DykeShoes 

Available until: Unknown

Content warning: sexual themes, in the podcast and the review.

A play can achieve many things. It can entertain, in many different ways. It can educate. It can make you feel enriched and fulfilled. It can even get you quite… excited, if it’s rude enough. It’s not very often it makes you want to travel back in time and turn into a lesbian (which, by the way, would completely ruin my marriage), but Dyke Shoes is very special.

ABC: ANYTHING BUT COVID (Ugly Bucket/Home MCR)***

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://homemcr.org/production/abc-anything-but-covid

Available until: 1^st August 2021

ABC: Anything But COVID is a fascinating and slightly scary look at what lockdown is like for normal people. I kind of missed out on the whole ‘not knowing what to do with myself’ thing. I was actually really looking forward to it but I kept finding things to do. Not so many things that I could actually get out of doing chores but enough to fill my time. And I didn’t even make any banana bread. Am I the only person in the world who’s never made banana bread? That would actually be quite iconic.

DIGITAL SHARING 4 (KickItDown Productions)****

  

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nuW8KQWRfA

Available until: Unknown

So this is the fourth episode in the Digital Sharing series by KickItDown Productions. In every show, three writers share a short piece, which is either filmed or presented as a voice-over audio drama with text. If you want to read about the first three episodes, you must restrain your curiosity till the end of this review. Very occasionally, I say something interesting and you don’t want to miss that.

RIBENA (Press Play Here/Theatre Royal Stratford East)****

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76LvjmmXPW8&t=0s

Link with captions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPdlVD2MdwU&t=0s

Link with audio description: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8cKICP64Yk&t=0s

Available until: Unknown

Age guidance: 12+

I can’t even remember the last time I had a Ribena. That’s bad. Of course, you can’t just wander into a shop like you used to. It all has to be carefully calculated. I mean, there’s usually drinks at home. Even if it’s not Ribena class. Do you risk the coronavirus for the Ribena? Or let the Ribena go and protect each other and the NHS? Put it like that and you can see how some people are living without Ribena.

THE REST OF OUR LIVES (Future Voices/Southwark Playhouse)

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.southwarkplayhouse.co.uk/future-voices

Available until: Unknown

On a surface level, this is an enjoyable play which a lot of people can identify with. Although it is about adolescents taking exams and we tend not to do that anymore after we finish our education, I’m sure it’s something everyone from (currently) Year 13 and older remembers and there are other aspects of the play that don’t go away just because we’re grown up.

THE PANTO THAT NEARLY NEVER WAS (Theatr Clwyd)***

 

By Aashiq

Link: The Panto That Nearly Never Was! Online | Theatr Clwyd

Available until: There are performances on 30^th and 31^st December and 2^nd and 3^rd January. Access is for 24 hours and begins at 12.01am. BSL signed, audio-described and captioned versions are available.

Seriously if you’re at primary school and you want to watch something a bit rude with good music but which your parents will totally give you permission to watch, you should definitely consider watching this pantomime. You don’t even need to get any money out of them (though if you want to look really virtuous, you can always ask them to donate) as it’s free for under-18s. There’s a lot to snigger at here and I should know.

KINKY BOOTS (The Shows Must Go Online)*****

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hExrHHLTMf8

Available until: 20^th December, probably 7pm

There’s a lot of talk about feelgood musicals. What people usually mean by that is that they didn’t think it was that good really, but they loved it and they have to justify it in some way so they make up a new word. But this really is a feelgood musical because it’s the type of musical that can make you feel it’s okay to be you.

CINDERELLA: A SOCIALLY DISTANCED BALL (Turbine Theatre/Theatre Café)****

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.thetheatrecafe.co.uk/shop/cinderella-a-socially-distanced-ball-online £12.50

Available until: 1^st January 2021

Age guidance: 18+ Language, content which could offend or disgust.

I’m quite offended I was asked to review this. I mean, how do they know I’m not under eighteen? I have a fake ID and everything. My fake ID actually says I’m twenty, but nobody’s ever asked to see it. Which is just rude. I do get asked my age sometimes by charity workers who are only allowed to sign up under-25s, but everyone knows they’re just after my money.

PUSH YOURSELF, SLIGHTLY (The Covid-19 Monologues/Elysium TC****

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-OmR3-_TIQ

Available until: Unknown

Jane is a de-motivational speaker, a wellness consultant. She used to invent things, but they weren’t successful. She always got told that her ideas were crap.

So now, Jane tells other people they’re crap. And gets paid for it. (Isn’t that just the best idea? Maybe I could do that. I’ll change his review to a one-star and say it’s complete crap. It wouldn’t be true, but it’s an idea.)

LA BOHEME (Royal Opera)*****

 

By Aashiq

Link: https://stream.roh.org.uk/products/la-boheme-2020 £3

Available until: 10^th January 2021

La bohѐme used to be my favourite opera. It was my first ever trip to the Royal Opera House. I couldn’t believe how posh it was, I was almost scared of going on those red carpets which was weird as I always thought I was born for the red carpet. But the Royal Opera House was so beautiful and so was La bohѐme.