By Sophie
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNeZYUoDj1U
Available until: Unknown
Masking the Truth is about a daughter who speaks to her elderly mother on Zoom. Her mother is clearly becoming very confused. She forgets who people are and that her husband is dead. She becomes angry about things which have been done which were clearly intended as a kindness.
It’s a very sad play, but perhaps one of the saddest things is the way the Mother is treated. I am a lot younger than she is, but I too am considered a vulnerable person. For that reason, I sometimes need help from other people. In the past, this has included social workers and occupational therapists.
A lot of these people whose job it is to help actually provide very little help and cause great unhappiness. They probably are restricted by the terms of their job, but far too often, little attempt is made to get to know the person they’re caring for. They don’t listen well and often dismiss what is said. Personal preferences are seen as an irrelevance. Of course, they can’t always be taken into account, but it is very important that they are acknowledged and accepted, even if they can’t be granted. This is important both as a means of giving happiness and making us feel like we matter, as individuals.
It is so important to help vulnerable people to believe that they still have some value. This can’t be achieved when a carer ignores a personal dislike of margarine (I can’t stand the stuff either) or when they appear to ignore a request not to visit during a favourite program. While butter might not always be available (I definitely had to compromise this time last year) and while a support worker might be limited by their other commitments, they can often do more. It is true that the Mother is very confused at times and says the same things twice, but although people who say the same things twice clearly have memory problems, the fact they’ve said it twice shows they know what they want.
I think this play was written in order to highlight the heartbreaking position the Daughter is in and it most certainly does that, but whether intentionally or not, it also reveals the great difficulties faced by those of us who are vulnerable and simply not heard. There are times when we must compromise, but we will be far more interested in compromising if a support worker’s inability to do as they’re asked is explained. Acknowledge us. Don’t assume we’re stupid. Treat it as a problem we’re facing together. Treat us as equals. Even if you really believe we’re not.
True kindness means helping the individual, not the person you assume we are. Often, there’s no chance to get to know someone, but when you’re providing ongoing care, you might be spending several minutes every day in one person’s company. The Mother is really lovely. She’s warm, caring and she has a wonderful sense of humour. But if she feels under attack or that she’s not being listened to, she’s not going to show the positive parts of her personality because she won’t be happy. She’ll become confused because she’s being told that she’s wrong. Sometimes she will be wrong. But sometimes it will be a matter of opinion (and her opinion matters) – and sometimes she’ll be right. It is possible that her carer is not treating her kindly and it is worth investigating. Perhaps the carer could take a different approach which feels more respectful of the Mother’s individual needs. Perhaps the carer and the Mother are simply not compatible and alternative arrangements need to be considered. But perhaps the carer really is doing something wrong.
None of this is the Daughter’s fault. It must be absolutely devastating seeing someone you love struggling so much so of course the Daughter will say the wrong things sometimes. Human beings do that all the time and the experience of watching the Mother become older and more confused must hurt in ways I can’t imagine. She also won’t always be aware of the true situation, particularly in lockdown when she isn’t allowed to visit.
Mark Goldthorp has written this play so realistically. The Mother is beautifully-characterised. Confused but so much more than just confusion: a complete and lovely human being. The Daughter is also very believable and she really does seem like a good person with the best intentions who is getting it wrong sometimes because who doesn’t? Mark also directs this piece and I love the way he steps outside the Zoom format in order to tell the story more fully. When you have an established storytelling format within a series, it’s tempting to stick to that, but Mark’s decision feels so right. He’s putting the story first.
Lesley Joseph is best-known for her comedy (though I know her best for her absolutely miraculous charleston on Strictly Come Dancing. She was seventy-one years old but dancing it better than many people a quarter of her age could manage). In Masking the Truth, she plays a much more serious role with sensitivity and vulnerability. It’s an incredible, moving and endearing performance. As the Daughter, Kirsty Hoiles sometimes says what I would consider to be the wrong things, but with sadness and grief in her eyes. As wonderful as I find the Mother now, the Daughter has still lost a lot of the person her mother used to be.
Perhaps I am seeing things in this scene that were never
intended, but it is an emotional and brilliant performance of a
beautifully-written scene.
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